What My Mama, a Butterfly, and an Old Tree Taught Me About Raising Compassionate, Successful Children
Memories work in wondrous ways. Sometimes they connect us to the past. Other times, they help shape our future. Yesterday, 970 days after my mama died, a series of ordinary moments unfolded that felt anything but ordinary. Each happened in its own time, yet together they connected my heart to my mama, to memories of her, and ultimately to the work we do every day at Indelible Learning.
The Tree
Yesterday, our neighbors finally trimmed the large tree that had stood beside our backyard for nearly twenty years. Part of me was grateful. Maintaining our backyard had become increasingly difficult as leaves seemed to fall every few seconds. But, another part of me was deeply saddened. That tree had become part of our family’s story. Birds nested there. Their songs greeted us every morning.
Since my mama died, I often found myself listening to those birds and having an inkling that somehow her spirit was still close by. She reminded me of a hummingbird: always active, always giving, always full of love and energy. And, the beautiful red bougainvillea that intertwined with the tree reminded me of the flowers she loved. As I watched the branches come down, I was sad.
Grief is almost never one emotion.
It is sadness…
and relief…
and gratitude…
and guilt…
all at the same time.
The tree wasn’t simply being cut. It was entering a new chapter. My backyard would never look exactly the same. Neither would my life. That doesn’t mean it cannot still be beautiful.
The Butterfly
As I stood there watching, a beautiful butterfly appeared. She danced gently around the lemon tree.
She flew up. She flew down. She lingered. She simply would not leave. I watched her for what felt like a long time. I didn’t want to forget the moment. It felt as though she was quietly whispering:
Love is not destroyed by death.
Change is painful, but it is not the end.
Beauty can emerge even after loss.
Whether that butterfly was a sign from heaven or simply arrived at exactly the right moment, I cannot say.
What I do know is how it made me feel. I felt hope. I felt peace. I felt my dearest mama. Her presence stayed with me throughout the day.
As I prepared for my hospital shift.
As I walked through the emergency department.
As I admitted patients.
As I cared for people and their families.
She never left my thoughts.
Learning to Notice
Looking back, I realize my mama had a remarkable gift. She noticed. She noticed flowers. She noticed birds. And children. And people who were struggling. She practiced acts of kindness. And above all, she choose hope.
She taught me that even during life’s hardest seasons, beauty still exists if we are willing to look for it.
At Indelible Learning, we often talk about authentic learning, career discovery, and preparing students for success beyond school. But perhaps one of the most important life skills we can help young people develop, is learning to notice.
Great physicians notice subtle symptoms before others do.
Great scientists notice patterns that lead to discovery.
Great engineers notice problems waiting to be solved.
Great teachers notice the child who feels invisible.
Great leaders notice people before they notice performance.
And compassionate human beings notice beauty, hope, and opportunity even during life’s most difficult moments.
Those habits don’t develop overnight.
They begin in childhood.
They grow through meaningful experiences.
They are strengthened when students are encouraged to observe, reflect, ask questions, solve authentic problems, and see the world through the eyes of others.
That is why we created Indelible Experiences™.
Our mission has never been simply to help students choose careers.
Our mission is much deeper.
We want young people to experience what it feels like to think, solve problems, make decisions, and care like real professionals.
Because success is about far more than knowledge.
It is about character.
Curiosity.
Compassion.
Resilience.
And the ability to notice opportunities, challenges, and people who need us.
My mother taught me that lesson long before Indelible Learning ever existed.
She taught it quietly.
One conversation.
One walk.
One butterfly.
One ordinary day at a time.
As we prepare for our next Indelible Learning Masterclass, I hope every student, parent, and educator remembers this:
The greatest lessons in life are not always found in textbooks.
Sometimes they begin with simply paying attention.
Sometimes they begin by noticing a butterfly.
Or another person who needs kindness.
Those are the moments that stay with us.
Those are the moments that become… indelible.
Dr. Jasminka Vukanovic-Criley MD, FACP, FHM is a multiple award-winning physician, hospitalist, healthcare & education innovator & Associate Clinical Professor of Medicine at UCLA. She is a career mentor & advisor to undergraduate, graduate & postgraduate students & faculty across medicine, science & education. As Founder & CEO of Indelible Learning, Dr. Criley leads a systems-based approach to learning grounded in the belief that we grow geniuses by making complex systems visible, before real-world decisions carry irreversible consequences. Her research focuses on designing evidence-driven digital games & simulations that help people see, question, & improve systems across health, civics, science & human behavior. Dr Criley is a sought-after speaker, a founding Board member of Physician’s Weekly & an advocate for learning experiences that build judgment, agency & healthier institutions. She can be reached on X at @criley_md and at www.linkedin.com/in/jasminka-criley-md