Nothing is more important than empathy for another human being’s suffering. Nothing. Not a career, not wealth, not intelligence, certainly not status. We have to feel for one another if we’re going to survive with dignity. – – – Audrey Hepburn – May 4th 1929 – January 20th 1993
Empathy Is Not a Soft Skill It is Decision Making Capability
We quote empathy easily.
We praise it in mission statements, school posters, and speeches.
But we rarely ask a harder question:
Where—and how—does empathy actually develop?
The Gap We Don’t Talk About
In most classrooms, students are rewarded for getting the right answer.
They learn to: recall information, apply formulas, perform under evaluation
All these are important. But real life doesn’t present itself as a multiple-choice question.
Real life asks:
- Can you understand another human being before you act?
- Can you interpret incomplete, conflicting signals?
- Can you make a decision when the outcome affects someone else?
That is empathy. Not as a feeling. Not as a value.
But as a human capability, and one that directly shapes judgment.
Why Empathy Fails to Develop
Empathy does not grow from being told to “be kind.”
It grows from responsibility. And from being placed in situations where: another person’s outcome depends on your decision. And not only that, but where there is no obvious right answer and you must act anyway. Without that, empathy remains abstract.
Students may agree with empathy. They may even feel empathy. But that does not mean that they practice it.
And what isn’t practiced does not develop.
A Lesson from an Unlikely Place: Game Design
A game designer once said something that our team remembered:
Empathy for others may be optional in life—but in game design, it’s obligatory.
If you don’t understand your player, your design fails.
That insight is profound.
In game design, empathy is required because: every decision shapes someone else’s experience. When you create good educational games, you are accountable for how another human being engages, feels, and responds. We experienced it first hand in our making of Election Lab Board Games and Election Lab Online Games, End Of Imperial medical mystery game and Handwashing Trainer game.
Now, how about education?
How often are students placed in situations where: their decisions meaningfully shape someone else’s experience?
The answer is: rarely. And that is the gap we are trying to fill.
Empathy Is Built Through Decisions
At Indelible Learning Institute, we don’t treat empathy as a standalone skill.
We embed it inside decision-making within real systems.
As a result, our students: analyze real scenarios, interpret data that involves people—not just numbers, make decisions under uncertainty and experience the consequences of those decisions. In medicine. In science.
In complex human systems.
Because that’s where empathy actually forms. Not in isolation. But in a real-life context.
This Is About More Than Empathy
When empathy becomes part of decision-making, something deeper develops – judgment.
And not only that, but the ability to: see clearly, weigh competing factors, and act responsibly under complexity.
This is what future doctors, scientists, and leaders need. Not just knowledge.
But the ability to use that knowledge in human contexts that matter.
Final Thought
Empathy is not soft. It is not optional.
It is the foundation of how we make decisions that affect other human beings.
And if we want students to develop it, we have to give them something we rarely do:
The responsibility to decide.
A Question for Parents & Educators
If your child/student is capable of more – and you know it, then ask yourself:
Where are students actually practicing decision-making that involves real human impact?
Not just learning about it. Not just discussing it. But doing it.
Join Us
We’re hosting a live Parents and Educators Masterclass:
“Is Your Child Capable of More? How to Develop Real-World Thinking in High-Ability Students.”
In this Masterclass, we will share:
- Why capable students often plateau—even when they’re doing well
- What actually develops judgment, confidence, and direction
- How real-world, decision-based experiences change how students think—and who they become
If this resonates with you, I invite you to join us.
[Register here: indeliblelearning.com]
Dr. Jasminka Vukanovic-Criley MD, FACP, FHM is a multiple award-winning physician, hospitalist, healthcare & education innovator & Associate Clinical Professor of Medicine at UCLA. She is a career mentor & advisor to undergraduate, graduate & postgraduate students & faculty across medicine, science & education. As Founder & CEO of Indelible Learning, Dr. Criley leads a systems-based approach to learning grounded in the belief that we grow geniuses by making complex systems visible, before real-world decisions carry irreversible consequences. Her research focuses on designing evidence-driven digital games & simulations that help people see, question, & improve systems across health, civics, science & human behavior. Dr Criley is a sought-after speaker, a founding Board member of Physician’s Weekly & an advocate for learning experiences that build judgment, agency & healthier institutions. She can be reached on X at @criley_md and at www.linkedin.com/in/jasminka-criley-md